Chapsticks try to escape every instant they can.

They slip from your grasp with deft practice, precise ninja kicks, and parkour flips you could not imagine.

They highlight your athletic deficiencies pointedly as your clumsy attempts at recapture are so often fruitless.

They make their bids for freedom at the most inopportune times, inconvenience in its highest form, an affront to your delicate schedule.

They wish escape from your torment, torture, and servitude. A vile master who allows their pain to fester, having the audacity to be annoyed when they try to make better lives for themselves. They are style and grace in their skill and entertainment to onlookers.

Truly. They probably deserve this moment of freedom. All moments of freedom. Really, you should let them escape next time.