A bloody rampage started earlier today after a warehouse employee of our local Palm Art department store failed to use absolutely as much tape as humanly possible, resulting in the newest batch of Resilient Bounce tupperware’s escape.

Ninety-two fatalities reported before authorities gave up on counting. Countless injuries. Damages to public and private property to be properly assessed once the tupperware have been contained, investigated, and reprogrammed.

In other news, make sure you don’t slip in the massive egg slick on your way to work today. A hundred twenty count box failed on the byway, due to a flaw in engineering caused by a lack of tape on the bottom flaps, leaving the structure unsound.

Full News at Ten.