Cultivating The Badass. (18.1.19)

I created my first writing blog somewhere around the age fourteen, and I used shades of black and shimmering neon blue, and a photo where I dramatically looked into the distance that had been digitally altered to look like a hundred year old newspaper. I kept that blog periodically updated for years, and ended up posting about fifty pieces of my writing, all varying in quality. It was called Lurking Girl and it highlighted the pieces of my personality that watched, listened, and didn’t make me feel particularly visible. Part of it was processing my observations, part of it was having a place to share my writing.

I have a lot of love for that blog and obviously some of the themes have carried over onto this website. It was incredibly daunting to start out on this perfectly new platform, with a blank slate. I was leaving a piece of history and built up identity behind, even if it was a very small piece. When I started with this site, I didn’t update for months. One post and then nothing. Maybe another and nothing again. I didn’t have a solid idea of what I wanted it to be, and I felt weirdly guilty for leaving behind another place where I had put in a lot of effort and time. Finally, the decision to actually update this site came with the decision to take writing seriously. I wanted to build up something that has a lot of capacity to expand and is aimed toward setting up the beginnings of my writing career.

The word Badass has been resonating with me over the past months since I made that decision. For me it means a feeling of invincibility, strength, or confidence. There are long stretches when those feelings are few and far between, and I’ve not yet conquered many demons. But I want to work toward having that feeling around more often. I want to remind myself it’s not gone forever, and that it can be cultivated and encouraged.

This day is the second anniversary of this website’s existence, and it’s grown a lot since I started it. I want it keep growing, to refine and improve.

I want this site to be a big part of cultivating the badass in myself, and in anyone else who wants to come along for the adventure.

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